Goals for a New Year

Ugh.  My blogging has slowed way down.  The last couple of years took away a lot of steam.  At times, my self-imposed blogging deadlines helped me cope, I imagine, but at other times, they really added stress in an already tough situation.  I've already started quilting like crazy again, though, and I'm ready to rediscover the fun in writing!

Part of the solution is to stop feeling guilty about everything.  We women are the world's worst about beating ourselves up with guilt.  A little guilt can be a great motivator...  A lot of guilt can be a paralytic force of devastating proportions.

In 2013, there were some major guilt issues:
...not spending enough time with the children or not being engaged enough when I did -- perhaps the common lament of every parent everywhere since the beginning of time.
...not having the physical or emotional stamina to do everything for my mother I wished I could have.  (That guilt reached back to 2012 when Daddy passed, too.)
...not getting enough estate work done, or tax work, or house work, or church work, or well, you get the point.
I felt guilty about things I didn't even do wrong, thanks to a few rather harsh critics.

But as if those weren't enough, I even gave myself grief about small, inconsequential blog things:
...not blogging twice a week, then once a week, then once a month.
...writing anything that didn't relate to my blog's sewing and quilting focus.
...writing a blog posting without imagery to accompany it.
...not having time to compose lengthy, illustrated tutorials.
...sewing something for sheer enjoyment without stopping to wait for the right afternoon light to take pictures of the project in-progress.  (Shock!  Horror!)

Eventually, I didn't want to do anything at all, because nothing I could ever do would keep me from being overwhelmed, and therefore, I couldn't shut out the guilt.

And so, as we move well into 2014, I'm going to make a few resolutions:

1.  I'm letting myself off the hook.  It's not okay to wallow or be indefinitely paralyzed by stress and guilt, but it is occasionally okay to have a movie day, a sad day, a lazy day, an eat-all-the-chocolate-and-potato-chips-you-want day, a curl-up-under-an-OliviaFurryBlanket day, a sleep-through-the-rain day or all of the above at once.  There's no more room for guilt when it comes to the arts that have previously brought me comfort-bliss. 

Getting on the bus...and off the roller coaster

I'm sorry I haven't been around lately.  You see, I lost my mother in March, and it's been hard to focus on sewing or writing.  When I do write, I get lost in emotion.  The endless photo search just results in waves of silent tears, and then surrender.  Even when I'm trying not to think at all, everything seems to remind me of her.  Even weird, silly things that you wouldn't expect.

Like today when I put Big Boy on the school bus.